Some of the most important moments for athletes, do not always happen in the gym. They can happen in the moments right after the game ends. After the buzzer, athletes have many thoughts right away about the game. The highs, the lows, the mistakes, the wins, the losses. As well as a lot of questions that they are processing themselves. “Did I make too many mistake?”, “Are my teammates happy with me?”, “Did I play good enough?”. And in these moments what parents and player support systems say to their athlete can help to guide them of how to handle their emotions and game confident thoughts. During this time it is about creating a safe space for your athlete.
Start with Presence & Not Pressure
Emotions can be extremely high after a game, for players & parents. Some athletes may want to talk right after and some may need time to have a conversation about the game. Get to know your athlete of what they need in that moment.
Also, instead of turning to game conversation as soon as you see your athlete, praise your athlete & start on acknowledging them as the great player they are. Be intentional on the first words to your athlete.
- “You are always my favorite player to watch.”
- “I am so proud of your effort.”
- “You worked so hard out there.”
- “That was a tough game & I know you gave it your all.”
Give your athlete some space at first right after the game, if they need it. Put yourself in their shoes, for example, after a tough day at work sometimes the first thing that we do not want to do is have a conversation about it. As adults, we also need time to ourselves to reflect on our day.
Avoid Immediate Breakdown of Game Situations
Right after the game, is not the time for an immediate game breakdown. Especially, if you and your player are with other teammates, parents or coaches. These conversations should be private, a special time between you and your athlete. I do not think anyone at any age enjoys being talked down to or yelled at in front of other people. We want to give our athlete the respect that they deserve and teach them how to give respect to others.
Rapid feedback like:
- “You should have done…”
- “Why did you think this was the right thing to do…”
- “Next time you need to do this…”
- “If I was playing I would have done…”
- “Your teammate did this…, why couldn’t you do that?”
can make an athlete feel very overwhelmed and increase anxiety if it is already present. These types of comments do not help to grow the confident young people we want to raise. Even well intended feedback can feel extremely heavy if the athlete is not ready to talk yet or in a very emotional state.
Let Them Reflect Before You Respond
One of the most powerful things you can do to support your athlete is be a listener. They may want to get all the things they are thinking off of their chest & let them. You can also ask questions to help your athlete reflect on their game, instead of telling them all the things they “should” have done in the game. If we do not give athletes the space to reflect, then they will not learn about their game for themselves. Reflection is such a key part to a players game because it also highers their basketball IQ and builds ownership of their game.
Some questions to help reflect about the game with your player are:
- “What did you feel good about doing in the game today?”
- “What did you find challenging?”
- “What do you think you want to keep working on?”
Normalize Mistakes & Emotions
Every athlete in any game will make a mistake. Every athlete will feel frustrated, disappointed or upset during these times. What matters is how these moments are discussed and framed by their support system.
Start with validating their emotions:
- “I know these are very trough feelings you are having.”
- “I can see that was very frustrating.”
- “It is okay to be upset right now.”
- “I am always here to talk about how you are feeling.”
Then shift to perspective:
- “Mistakes are such an important part of the game.”
- “This is something that will help you grow as a player.”
- “No one thinks that you are a bad person for making a mistake on the court.”
- “I will always support you through learning about different parts of the game.”
This can help athletes know that their mistakes do not define them. We grow, learn, and develop from our mistakes.
End On A Positive Note
Confidence does not come from a couple great games an athlete plays. It comes from knowing that no matter their performance of the game, win or loss, that their trusted adult will support them no matter how they played on the court.
If we only praise and support our athlete after the great game they play, then show anger and frustration with them on the games that they struggled to perform well, this can lead to a very transactional relationship with our young person. We want them to know at all different moments of life that we are their person. That they can come to us no matter what the situation or feelings they are having about themselves.
The moments after a game are special moments many athletes can remember for the rest of their life.
It’s an opportunity to build trust. To reinforce confidence. To remind your athlete that who they are is way more important than how they played on the court.
Written By: Katie Zenevitch-Reyes-Hardwood Hustle Coach & Client Success Manager